Beauty Is in the Eyeglasses of the Beholder

From Mia Cope

I was taken aback when he returned from the optometrist.

Daddy had gotten new glasses!

In the whole time I’ve lived here, Daddy has always had the same glasses. Same old glasses. Same old Daddy. I had grown quite adjusted to his face and the way he looked. But Daddy said he wanted a new look. Something about going through his second midlife crisis. So he came home wearing these.

Momma has been coaching me to speak to Daddy diplomatically. Basically, Momma said I should be careful not to upset Daddy and not to make his blood pressure go up. Daddy seems like he needs some speeding-up. I’m not sure that he hasn’t developed a slow leak and that a good pumping up wouldn’t do him some good. But Momma always knows best.

That’s why I’ve mastered the art of curious questioning. Thus, this Q&A session from last night:

Q: Thanks for agreeing to talk with me tonight, Mr. Cope. By the way, you have a beautiful home. Very humble and quaint.

A: Why are you talking like that? You live here, too.

Q: I’m just setting the stage for our viewers. Don’t be a pain.

A: What viewers? Why are you talking into a stick?

[At this point, we took a short break to try to realign Daddy’s attention.]

Q: And . . . we’re back. Mr. Cope, people have noticed that you are sporting a new look.

A: Oh, yes! I assume you’re talking about the hair. No, that’s not a new look. That little tuft standing up is the result of a horrible incident with my electric shaver. No worries, my hair stylist and I are doing restoration work and it should be back in place soon.

Q: No, although I had wondered about that, too. I was talking about your new glasses.

A: You noticed?! How kind. Yes, I’ve made a change there. My publicist thinks I am viewed as being too old and out of touch. I think these frames bring me into the present and make me more handsome.

Q: Handsome. Really? Can you point to some other person, living or dead, that you’re trying to emulate?

A: Sure. There’s this guy. I can’t remember his name but he played a wolf or a wolverine in some big movie. Michael J. Fox, maybe? Although it would be silly for a man named Fox to be a wolf.

Q: I believe that’s Hugh Jackman.

A: Jackman would be an even sillier name for someone playing a wolf or wolverine. I’m pretty sure it’s Michael J. Fox.

Q: I’m just going to leave that right there. So you decided you wanted to be remembered as handsome, charismatic, and as a trendsetter?

A: Well, that makes me sound egotistical and shallow. But, yes, that about sums it up.

Q: I had our tech people, with help from A(rtificial) I(ntelligence), provide us with an image of how people really see you. Would it be alright if I shared that with you and our viewers?

A: Again, what is this about our viewers? It’s just you, me, and a stick you’re holding like a microphone . . .

[Another short break to reset Daddy’s attention.]

Q: So here it is. The way people really see you in your new glasses.

A: No, I don’t think that’s quite right. I was going for something more professorial and stylish. And breathtaking. Maybe the lighting’s off.

Q: Thank you for allowing us to talk with you today. Again, you have a very humble and quaint home.

A: I don’t know why you keep saying that . . .

There you have it, folks! The inside scoop on why Daddy is changing his looks. He was going for professorial but landed at professori-owl. Most of the viewers in our Casa de Togo poll agree that this will be called his “Owl Era.” And at the rate he’s losing hair, more of a “Barn Owl Era.”

Signing out from Casa de Togo, this is Mia Cope reporting.