Togo Goes Entrepreneur-ish

Over the holidays, I watched a lot of late-night TV. I mainly watched the Game Show Network since I don’t like violence. But then there was a problem. I mean, have you seen those ASPCA commercials?! Those poor dogs and cats!

For just $19 a month, we could make a difference. And before Daddy found out I had his credit card, we were making a lot of differences. Daddy suggested that I should find ways to make my own money to give away. Entrepreneurship is not something they teach in dog obedience school.

This morning, I watched “Shark Tank” to learn how to be an entrepreneur. It’s a simple process. You look around and see what people need. Then you invent stuff that people think will help them.

I figured out that I didn’t have the money or the time to engage a market research firm. So, I sat down close to Daddy and observed him instead. Turns out, he has a lot of needs. It’s actually a pretty long list.

For starters, Daddy doesn’t have much hair. A stroll down the hair care aisle at CVS revealed that there are a lot of people already in the hair-growing business, as well as a fair share in hair retention. I thought about it for a while and I came up with this — the bald head cover and loose hair capture and cover device. (Sorry the picture is a little blurry. I couldn’t get Daddy to hold still while I snapped it.)

I call it the Togo Concealed Balding Device. The CBD, for short. Daddy wasn’t particularly fond of using the initials but Google says that it’s a very popular search term. Only $39.95. Not only does is cover thinning hair, it also catches it.

When he was modeling the CBD, I also noticed that Daddy has big ears. He says he isn’t sensitive about it. But, after all, his ears are located where he can’t see them, so what does he know? And how could you not be sensitive about that? I think he could get enough lift out of them to take off from the deck of an aircraft carrier.

It didn’t take me long to come up with these — the Togo Flight-Canceling Ear Flaps.

I can make them in any color as long as it’s black. (A valuable economy of scale move I learned from Henry Ford.) I told Daddy they were to keep his ears warm, but we all know it’s to keep him grounded. And to prevent him from knocking stuff off the pantry shelves when he’s looking for my snacks. Only $49.95.

But the real gold mine was when I figured out that people don’t like extra skin hanging around their faces or chins. Evidently, when a human gets older, their skin gets really droopy — like bloodhounds and basset hounds.

I told Daddy that I could take care of his little problem for a lot less than the doctors charge to remove that extra skin. He immediately confiscated my utility knife.

And as the old saying goes, “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.” So building on my two earlier inventions, I decided that a cover-up was the way to go.

This is the Togo Chin Enhancer.

I can actually make this in a lot of colors because Momma has a drawer full of material that was rejected for other projects.

This is the money-maker. People pay thousands of dollars to get rid of those extra chins. Apparently, paying anything less than that makes them feel like they’re getting a great bargain. Thus, the Togo Chin Enhancer is only $999.95. And I’ll cover shipping.

Before you pull out your credit card to order, you need to know that I currently have a supply chain problem. If you order today, it might be several weeks or years before I get your item to you. And, given the amount of effort I had to put into these prototype models, I may have to substitute items from a secondary producer. To be honest, I can’t really guarantee the quality of someone else’s work. And in the spirit of full disclosure, I just swiped the pictured items from Daddy’s closet. So I have the whole manufacturing and shipping thing yet to figure out.

Here’s the bottom line. These three specific items are one-of-a-kind. They are very rare and thus extremely more valuable than the list price. So, if you order within the next 24 minutes, I can sell all three to you for a flat $3,000. First come, first served.

Wait! There’s more. I’ll also send you one of Daddy’s gently-chewed shoes. Or one of my gently-used chew toys, which looks remarkably like one of Daddy’s gently-chewed shoes.

Wily operators are standing by.