Togo Goes to Space

I’ve decided to invest my vast wealth and fortune into space technology. I heard that a guy named Elong Tusk or something like that is making millions shooting things into space. That started me thinking, what could I do in the space business?

As with any new business, it’s important to develop a need for something new and to do your due diligence. So initially, I spent a lot of time staring up into the sky.

And as I contemplated the vastness of the universe, I thought to myself, what could I shoot up there that could benefit all creatures? So I did some research and I found a story about how satellite images of Svalbard, Norway showed how dog poop from Husky sled teams was improving local flora in the area through enriching the soil with whatever nutrients are found in dog poop.

Obviously, someone had already come up with the idea of taking pictures of dog poop from space. I looked at a few of those pictures and, I have to tell you, I was not impressed with the quality of the picture. Considering the subject matter, that was probably fortunate.

My next step was to ask Daddy to pull some strings with the people at NASA to provide additional checks on the quality of space photography. Daddy’s attention span must have been on the fritz again, because all he came up with was this Google Earth photo.

And even though I’m recognizable in this shot, it was still a little blurry. I really believe that we could sell a lot of pictures from outer space if we could meet my high standards for quality.

Serendipitously, I heard from some guys who claimed to have a lot of experience building satellites. It’s amazing the people you meet on the interweb. They even sent me a picture of a satellite they were building that they would sell for a bunch of bitcoins.

I think they called it Sputnik. However, they had very thick Russan accents and I really didn’t care what they called it.

Having my satellite, I began looking for a high quality camera to send skyward. I wanted something that would give me the pictures that people wanted. Knowing I needed to save my remaining bitcoins to get the satellite and camera into space, I looked around to see what was available. Daddy wasn’t using his iPhone so I overnighted it to Baikonar, Kazakh in Russia where I was promised it would be mounted in my satellite and launched right after I sent bitcoins.

Since Daddy’s connections to anything space-related proved to be poor, I contacted a friend of a friend who works as a guard dog at the National Security Agency. I arranged for a picture of Casa de Togo to be made at precisely 1600 hours on New Year’s Day to compare with a picture taken at the same time from my satellite. You can see the difference.

NSA Image

NSA Image enlarged showing subject (me)

This is the picture from my satellite:

Photo Courtesy of Togo Enterprises

Pretty incredible results, huh?

I am in the process of setting up a GoFundMe account to fully launch my outer space photography business. Let me know if you want to invest. I can’t wait to roll this out to the public.

[Update: Daddy told me that he was contacted by someone in Russia who had possession of his phone. They agreed to send it back if he would take a picture of me and send it to them. Since his iPhone is somewhere in space, this must be a scam. Poor Daddy. These folks take advantage of the elderly.

On a positive note, my Russians called and were pleased with our first transaction. In order to remain affiliated with such a fine business as mine, they are willing to send up another satellite for Togo Enterprises for only half of what they charged before. And this time, in addition to bitcoin, they will also accept Susan B. Anthony coins and small denomination, unmarked bills.]