Stepping Up the Game

From: Mia Cope

When I arrived about a month ago, I reviewed a number of sets of data about various elements of the operation at Casa de Togo. Since one of the prime functions of the Casa is to provide a healthy environment for Momma and Daddy — and me, as General Manager, I had a lot of interest in the activity levels.

Momma stats were looking pretty good. Her FitBit showed a lot of movement, although it was daunted a bit by her recent adventure with a fractured wrist. True to form and determination, Momma overcame that as a temporary setback and, if numbers tell the story, she is back on track.

Daddy, on the other hand, has an incredibly complex tangle of alibis and excuses to justify his sedentary lifestyle. His Apple Watch routinely features the question “Are you still breathing?” on its tiny little screen.

As General Manager of Casa de Togo, I feel an obligation to keep its employees in tip-top condition. So I set out to get Daddy back on track.

The first thing was, of course, re-establishing the mandatory daily walk routine that Togo had established. I didn’t push for that the first couple of weeks I was here, thinking that Daddy would volunteer. He didn’t. I brought it up in a private meeting with Momma and the very next morning, Daddy emerged with his walking clothes and hat on. He wasn’t all that bubbly, but he seemed affable.

I gave him a hard time on the first couple of walks — pulling hard on the leash and randomly changing directions to make sure he was paying attention. I was even successful getting him to use standard dog training commands like sit, heel, come, and stay. His command language isn’t pristine, however, and I’ve allowed some less exact terms. That’s a bit more difficult for me — much like interpreting the thoughts of Groot in “Guardians of the Galaxy.”¹ I have now catalogued almost 100 meanings from the words “no,” “Mia,” “Mia, no”, and several rather guttural sounds that Daddy makes when frustrated.

I recently checked in on Daddy’s activity statistics. It appears the walks are giving us a solid base to build on. Until I get Daddy in a lot better shape, I could tell that I needed a plan to build up his daily number of steps outside of the walks.

It would have to be something simple that didn’t seem to be exercise-related and that Daddy would accept as a perfectly normal occurrence in his daily routine. I read several years’ back issues in Men’s Health magazine and knew full well that most of their suggestions would raise suspicions.²

As a result, I developed a simple protocol that would increase the number of Daddy’s daily steps. In addition, it requires some eye-feet coordination with varying levels of difficulty arising from pattern and elevation variations. And I added a percentage of required nocturnal operations.

Really, it’s simple. Throughout the day, I observe his movement patterns around the house and then strategically place myself between him and where I think he intends to go next. I’m really quite good at this and often can allay any of his suspicions by taking my position several minutes in advance of his next. Doorways and hallways have proven to be very successful. And by contorting my torso and legs, I can create an element of problem solving to the exercise. Occasionally, I can block his ingress and egress to the point that necessitates him seeking an alternate route complete with many, many more steps.

This fitness program is not without an element of risk to me — particularly the night-time operations. Most of these nocturnal treks are made possible because of Daddy’s occasional need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. That presents a number of problematic variables. First, Daddy is very groggy during these excursions. Second, Daddy has very poor eyesight and rarely thinks to put on his glasses. Third, not wanting to wake Momma, Daddy doesn’t turn on any lights. Fourth, Daddy is not always in problem-solving mode. Finally, Daddy does have notable mobility issues that will occasionally lead to him placing his foot in a place he never meant it to be.³

I’m happy to report my successes in this endeavor. I’ve been keeping statistics for a couple of weeks now. Normally, Daddy would pass through the targeted activity area in three strides. When I intervene, that number almost doubles. And, if I can inject a difficult pattern into the mix, sometimes we can achieve 8 to 10 steps.

Thus far, the regular walks and the bonus steps from my obstructions have resulted in a 25% improvement in Daddy’s activity levels. My goal is 100%, however, so stay tuned for more exercises. But don’t tell Daddy. We want him to think he is becoming more spry on his own. He needs to build self-esteem, as well.

1. For those of you who aren’t Marvel fans, Groot is a tree being whose every communication sounds like “I am Groot” and can only be translated by his friend, Rocket Raccoon. Fortunately, Rocket speaks perfect English.

2. Honestly, how do you explain to someone like Daddy that he needs to roll a full-size tractor tire around for twenty-four hours a day?

3. I have some understanding how the circus people who make a living letting someone throw knives at them feel. It is dangerous to move a muscle. Yet sometimes it’s far worse if you don’t.