Togo Goes Suspicious of Upcoming Visit

Dec 08, 2023

Daddy and I were doing some yard work the other day. Although I don’t encourage it, he occasionally will sing. He remembers words pretty well, but I’m not always sure he knows the tune.

Some of the songs are silly. Most would land a little better with full orchestration — and someone else singing. But you always have to take family where you find them. And Daddy is definitely found in the non-melodic category.

One particular ballad caught my ear with a disturbing and foreboding theme:

You better watch out,
You better not cry,
Better not pout,
I’m telling you why:
Santa Claus is comin’ to town.1

I wanted to stop Daddy right there. This Santa Claus, doesn’t he know that it’s inappropriate to invalidate the feelings of others? I mean, I’m generally a happy fellow, but I do cry when Daddy’s slow in starting my walks or I find myself outside when I want to be inside. And yes, I do pout when I can’t talk him out of additional snacks or my dinner portion seems a bit light.

Who is this Santa Claus person and why is wanting to curb my emotions?

Daddy had my full attention at this point. He launched into the next verse and it got worse.

He's making a list
And checking it twice,
Gonna find out
Who's naughty and nice.
Santa Claus is comin' to town.

I’m on a list?!!

What kind of country do we live in that some stranger can put me on trial with no provocation from me and put me on a list? Sure, that’s happening right now in the House of Representatives but we all understand some of those folks are not quite right in the head.

And what about this naughty and nice standard? Who put together the grading system? Is it a totally binary system? Or do I get credit against naughtiness with my niceness? Is there any grace involved?

Also, is it never-ending? Santa’s going to check his list twice. What’s to stop him from checking it three, four, or who knows how many times?! Will I never catch a break to just be me?!

This is a lot of pressure. But then it just got scary as Daddy sang the last verse.

He sees you when you're sleepin',
He knows when you're awake,
He knows if you've been bad or good,
So be good for goodness sake.

For goodness sake! What happened to our right of privacy? Just because the Supreme Court has recently become confused about that doesn’t mean that we have to stand or sleep through this creepy surveillance! “I hereby forbid anyone venturing into my dog igloo or hiding a camera therein.” (For you Facebook people: Click anywhere on that last sentence and copy and paste it on your Facebook page. It really won’t do anything but it’s always fun to see how many people fall for that gag.)

You better watch out,
You better not cry,
Better not pout,
I'm telling you why:
Santa Claus is comin' to town.

By this time, I had a reason to cry and pout. Santa Claus is coming to town with an in-depth report — on me!

I was going to make a big deal about this. But then I remembered that Santa Claus is the guy who brings the figgy pudding. So I’m going to cut him some slack.

However, I am hatching a plan that will get me to the cookies and milk by the fireplace first. That way, no matter what Santa reports, I’ll still get something for Christmas! And maybe figgy pudding, too.

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town written by J Fred Coots and Haven Gillespie.